Satire by Jamie York
(March 26, 2002) - President George W. Bush had zoologists and marine biologists scratching their heads during last week's United Nations Conference on Financing for Development held in Monterrey, Mexico.
Bush, who had secretly pressured Mexican officials to ask Cuban President Fidel Castro to leave the summit early, began showing signs of a metamorphosis shortly after a joint press conference with Mexican President Vicente Fox.
"At first we thought he was turning into a pig," said one zoologist who witnessed the transformation, "but then we began to notice the formation of an opaque gel on his torso and lower extremities. That's when we figured out that he was turning into a jellyfish." After the metamorphosis was complete, a team of marine biologists from the United States traveled to Monterrey to try to reverse the process.
In Washington, meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney, who assumed the role of Commander-in-Chief within minutes after the metamorphosis, said he would veto any energy bill that does not allow oil drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. Cheney also vowed to "stay the course" until the President has been restored.
Bush critics charge that the jellyfish metamorphosis wouldn't have happened if the President had not been so afraid of listening to one of Castro's speeches on economic justice. "Bush did not want to have to see or acknowledge Mr. Castro," said one observer, "but rather than approach the situation like a man and politely listen to what Castro had to say, Bush paid Mexico to ask Castro to leave the conference early. This was a spineless act by a spineless man and all we can hope for now is that he becomes a better jellyfish than he was a president."