Satire by Jamie York
Watch out Osama; watch out everyone. Geraldo Rivera is packin' heat and he's on a mission.
Fox News viewers should not be surprised that gun-toting correspondent Geraldo Rivera mistakenly reported on a "friendly fire" bombing incident that occurred near Kandahar, Afghanistan, when he was actually located several hundred miles away in Tora Bora. Rivera claimed he made an honest mistake because he was in the "fog of war" and Fox News later defended Rivera's "honest mistake" and cited his "30-year track record" and his "journalistic integrity."
Journalistic integrity? Geraldo Rivera? To his credit, Rivera showed some promise as an investigative reporter in his early days with ABC, but it soon became clear that he had a penchant for embellishing the truth and sensationalizing his stories. His former CNBC talk show was the perfect forum for his National Inquirer-style of journalism but, apparently, Rivera's sensational style suits Fox News just fine or they would not have hired him as a war correspondent.
Remember Al Capone's vault? Remember Rivera's much-heralded "Sail to the Century" in which he took his sailboat to the International Dateline on Dec. 31, 1999, in order to be among the first to welcome in the new millennium? Assuming that he didn't stray off course and that he actually arrived at the International Dateline at the appropriate hour, he missed the real millennium by a full year. Of course, most major cites around the world also held millennium celebrations on the date as well, so Geraldo Rivera has the distinct honor of being the first person to welcome in the last year of the 20th century.
Congratulations Geraldo! You're a stud and you know it. Don't shoot your weenie off over there.