Satire by Jamie York
[As another alien spaceship lands on Planet Earth, King George II steps up to the microphone at a White House press briefing.]
Reporter: "What is our goal in this war against alien evil-doers?"
King George II: "We will wipe out all of the alien evil-doers. The aliens will have nowhere to hide. We will root them out of their pods and we will destroy them."
Reporter: "How is it possible for our troops to tell the difference between alien evil-doers and alien do-gooders?"
King George II: "If they look like evil-doers and sound like evil-doers, then they must be evil-doers. We will smoke them out of their holes and we will hunt them down."
Reporter: "The captain of an alien spaceship told us that the war against alien evil-doers is causing the deaths of innocent do-gooders. What steps are you taking to protect innocent do-gooders?"
King George II: "In war, there are no innocent do-gooders. We will not lose sight of our goal to wipe out evil-doers. We will not be distracted. We will stay the course against the evil-doers no matter how long it takes."
Reporter: "According to the United Nations, 7,500,000 aliens displaced because of the bombing may die of starvation this winter. What, if anything, are we doing to prevent mass starvation?"
King George II: "I have said that this war will be fought on many different fronts. As part of our psychological war, we dropped some nutritional packets in the approximate size and color of our cluster bomblets. We are hoping that the aliens who are not killed by the bomblets will kill each other over the nutritional packets. We see this as a win-win situation."
Reporter: "I have a question about economic stimulus proposals. Doesn't giving away billions to some of the largest corporations in the nation amount to corporate welfare? Isn't this going to hurt working families? And doesn't the USA Patriot Act curtail civil lib..." [interrupted by the King]
King George II: "That's all for today. Ari, Ari..." [voice trails off]
Reporters [in unison]: "God Bless America! Long Live the King!"