Satire by Jamie York
(LONDON, March 22, 2002) - The British Parliament will soon hear arguments that could overturn the outcome of the Revolutionary War and place the United States once again under British rule.
The controversy stems from the use of "illegal combatants" in the Revolutionary War. The term "illegal combatants" was recently coined by U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and applied to the al-Qaeda and Taliban prisoners of war held at the U.S. Guantanamo Naval Base in Cuba. According to a spokeswoman for Prime Minister Tony Blair, "if the United States can claim that the non-uniformed fighters in Afghanistan are illegal combatants, then Great Britain can claim that the non-uniformed colonial Minutemen fighting the British troops were also illegal combatants."
The spokeswoman also said that the participants in the Boston Tea Party of 1773 were terrorists and that their "mob actions" should be condemned by all civilized people. "We cannot have unkempt, non-uniformed terrorists deciding the fate of entire nations. This cannot and will not stand; the rule of law must prevail."
"In addition," she added, "the American people owe us more than 220 years of back taxes."